Butt Cream (the inside story)

A touchy subject, but in the end, not using butt cream, can be a pain in the ass.
It begins with, "i'm going to really pursue cycling as a sport". Followed by the novice question "should i be purchasing proper bike shorts?". To a rookie mistake i made, wearing by boxers underneath my bike shorts. Thought i was going to say, "overtop,..didn't ya?". Nope never tried this method. I'm sure someone, somewhere, for some reason has.
Think of chafing as 3/4 HP belt sander being applied agressively against sensitive skin, then burning like a teapot set on high. Ooo.oouch! Just has to happen once and i'm fairly certain, you won't say, "jeez, i can't wait for this to happen again". My recommendation is any bike ride over two hours apply butt cream. Let's say you were doing the "Race Across America aka RAAM", and you sitting fourth row back in the pre-race meeting and it is question time. Don't ask, you need about 36 containers of butt cream.
Secondly, if you in a room full of men, let's say inside a tent at T1 during Ironman, and you have dried off from the 4k swim, don't moan or smile like a raving imbecile with your eyes rolling back into your head while applying butt cream. Or,.. do if you need more personal space.
Lastly, if you are a support crew member for a RAAM racer (RAAM just saw the pun) make sure it clearly states in your job description, in no circusmstances will you ever, have to retrieve, locate, apply, purchase, sponge, clean up, taste, or put the lid back on, butt cream.
Now, get out there and race.