Zen & the Mondo Art of Dishwasher Replacement

The 16 year old Maytag died. It was a smelly death. Like anything in it's golden years, we knew it was coming. The old girl was vociferously loud. Like a passing diesel Peterbilt on the 400 with a hole in it's stack that vibrates the asphalt. What volume is necessary on the flatscreen to drone out the moan of the grinding old girl? So, here we go. Purchasing the dishwasher was safe,easy thanks to Bruce at TA. I wasn't going to insert this but feel it is my duty on Planet Earth not to at least mention some of it. My wife & I first entered Sears where I will say we have had good service in the past. Hovering in the appliance section there were two sales staff working hard. Not counting ourselves there were two other couples that stood for more than 15 minutes without even being greeted by a simple hello. Flying Alligator shit happens, I get it! The truly maddening part was the Manager, Assistant Manager, along with two Clerical help in the open office where in a state of "blind oblivion". Yes they had "B.O." We leave. Over to TA, we meet Bruce, we end up making a well informed decision in a Bosch versus a Kenlessormore. New dishwasher is now in our kitchen. Bruce informs myself it isn't difficult to disconnect the old and install the new. Black wire is live, white wire is neutral, the third is ground. Got it. Discharge hose, got it. Hot water supply got it. Balance, check for leaks, holy backwash I'm a triple AAA mechanic. Listen to me tell you, this was no 60 watt light bulb folks. This was a dishwasher. Next weekend I'm rebuilding a 66 Corvette.

Bay of Pigs, April 17, 1961

According to Anderson, Che Guevara wrote to John F. Kennedy thanking him for invading Cuba at Playa Giron (the Bay of Pigs). An event that the CIA, the U.S. i'm sure wish they could erase from the history books. Of all the places where the CIA / Kennedy could have chosen why the southwest side where roads & terrain work against them ? Somewhere in the planning room, the Strategists were not well informed. Perhaps, egos and bravado ran amok.

Would you Care

sitting here pondering if waste removal will take place this morning, b-man gently snores, keeping warm beneath granny wool blankets, briefly listen to Cockburn's wondering where the lions are from portland, oregon, typical monday morning there is a fifty percent chance the recycle bin will land upside down, today for you statisticians, i say 22 percent doing my quick gut math, oh ya, gut math, they don't teach gut math at high school or a the U's, lady passes me on the 400 with her garmin in full site, how did you and i get around before the garmin ? four remotes or harry potter wands in our sod house, guests must figure out which wand holds the mythical zapping power, if your to do list is in your pocket ; is that a hidden agenda? i suppose if we never had February 29th's that one december we could be getting sunburn at the beach, time tells ; or tell time ? time as a tale ? tale of times? in time we will have tails? if the UN made it legislative to erect chain link fences along all international borders, would you care? if CNN is off on the weather this thursday, would you care ? if your local art gallery is on open monday to friday, nine to five, would you care ? if the very last box of kraft dinner ever was sold in Des Moines, would you care ? would Ya? if Buffalo was just a fictional place in a JK Rowling novel, would it matter? would you care ? suppose the first Olympics didn't happen in Greece ; but Bowling Green, Ohio ? would it matter ? would you care ? if Tim Horton played right wing would his coffee taste different today ?

Wouldn't Change a Thing..except maybe some of the little stuff

Celebrities are often asked if reflecting back on their careers, would they have changed anything. Ninety percent of the time the response is no. My beautiful wife, two children I do all over again. Reflecting back to High School & University I would have done more and been more aggressive in pro-active way. Strange how some moments stay with you for the balance of your life. Especially, from sources you really didn't give two shits about. Our Defense Halfback coach at the UOW,during another brutal hitting/tackling practice, stopped the drill and said something along the lines, "80% of it is attitude". In other words wanting to tackling hard and well was mostly in our heads. I'm 48 now, and for obscure reason i recall that moment on the Lancer Football field. Here are some things i would have changes : taken Latin in High School, taken German in High School, and carried on with both swimming & guitar lessons longer. Then there are insignificant moments that i think about. Like calling a certain (football) play and executing a particular pass pattern at QB during a HS Football game. Moments (as they come to me now) that I would live over would be : the family vacation where we spent a night in a "old beat up

trailer" once used for a Beaver Study in Trinity, NFLD. [unfinished]

waiting for the real photographer

B-Man, Santa and me. Nothing like a little quality time with St. Nick as we wait for the photographer. Kim T. from the Barrie SPCA actual took this shot. I would like to thank the Georgian Mall and of course everyone who helps support our Barrie SPCA. B-Man aka Brodan was adopted from the Barrie SPCA by my remarkable, beautiful wife and i on January 24, 2011. Brodan is somewhat unique as he is one of the few Pitbull breeds still permitted in the Province of Ontario by law. The ban was implemented in 2005, Brodan was born in Ontario on April 14, 2004. Brodan's mother was American Pitbull while his father was German Short-Haired Pointer. So as you can well imagine very seldom does anyone say, "Brodan what a beautiful GSP you are."

Death by Bay Leaf

Does your significant other cook with Bay leaves? Its amazing you're alive. Holy Crap. Just another bloody statistic. Do you know how many millions of people die every year from their esophagus being sliced ; bleeding to death by Bay leaves? Either do I, but that's not the point, is it. Ever since our Mothers enhanced our stews, soups, roasts with the gourmet Bay leaf we were warned, "don't eat the bay leaf". As an innocent young man I accepted my Mother's answer that instant death came. Next time you see the Ambulance flashing lights down your street and you're thinking, heart attack, domestic, alcohol poisoning, now add BLT [bay leaf tragedy]. What an enormous power this laurel tree has to produce Bay leaves for cooking. On one hand they add flavour & fragrance to our dishes but if swallowed are fatal. I always pondered well eating my delicious stew wouldn't the flavour from the leaf also be lethal? No, it isn't so much the composition of the Leaf but the texture of its outer leaf edge. The fear was that if caught in your throat it could apparently damage the esophagus. If your esophagus is like elephant skin, an inch thick, you most likely have nothing to fear, however if your esophagus is fragile like a rose pedal..MY GOD ... don't eat stew. I'm only surprised we haven't any "Slayers Against Evil" petition to have legislation passed. It is now law all home owners are required to post in their kitchens signs to all who enter "area contain bay leaves". The truth of the matter is choking on bay leaf is more likely. Although i have never digested a bay leaf, i understand they are pungent. As you carve your spoon into your steaming stew and the creator reveals to the table, "I think I removed all the bay leaves". Have some fun. Place contents of your dinner all over the table setting like a car mechanic in his garage. The guests love this one.

Russell Brand @ RAMA ; worth the wait

Russell Brand is incredible quick and witty. His command of the english language would even raise the furry eyebrows on Noam Chomsky. Moments after taken the stage, my wife and I found RB standing directly behind us as he made his way through the sell out crowd. Unique. That's the only word I can think of to describe RB. He has a style all his own. RB poked fun of our Canadian names ; Orillia, Ontario, Toronto, Ottawa, Canada. At one point RB asked if he was performing on a Indian Burial Ground? "What is this place?", RB kept asking. "A Casino?" RB took the time to sit down with two "golden girls" from Casino Rama and gave each a nice hug. RB even was kind enough to provide a glossary of terms and slang so we Canadians could easily interpret his native UK diction. For example "wanking" means "jerking off". Sitting in the front row RB had fun with Brady the Trailer Park worker. Referring to him as Cheech (Cheech & Chong) from Lord of the Rings. The night ended with RB and "Cheech" ringing up a escort ad from the Toronto Sun. I believe one nervous male sitting in the audience yelled out "what happens if someone's phone rings in the audience?" RB- "oh well" or something to that effect. You had to wonder if the concern may have been his date came from the Toronto Sun. Russell Brand hilarious show. T Brady, if you're reading this, "what did your sister say after the show?".

Mission statements, the good, the bad, & atrocious.

Does anyone give a rat's ass what your "mission statement" is ? Have you ever been in a corporate setting and cohesively try to write a mission statement? Steel toe kick me in the scrotum. The longer and all encompassing the statement is, should be an indicator how stuffy the place is to work. Simple works well. Direct. Easy to understand. Easy to remember. However, there are some that aren't satisfied until the creation of the mission statement is a minimum of three quarters of a page long. How about a mission statement is, "to put a smile on your face, but making money is more important". Hey, I like that. Have you ever read a mission statement and need to look for a book marker? Have you ever read a company's mission statement twice ? Strongly doubt it. Have you ever read a company's mission statement in one their location, where it is being proudly displayed for all to see and then, almost in the same breath take a look at the chump behind the cash box? Starbucks - Our mission: to inspire and nurture the human spirit – one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time. I like this one. Barnes & Noble - [Here are the first three lines of their mission statement]. Our mission is to operate the best specialty retail business in America, regardless of the product we sell. Because the product we sell is books, our aspirations must be consistent with the promise and the ideals of the volumes which line our shelves. [It then goes on & on...] Avon Products - their mini-essay mission statement is over 252 words long. Ford Motor Company - We are a global family with a proud heritage passionately committed to providing personal mobility for people around the world.[Simple & direct] NWA - Workforce diversity gives us access to a world of different ideas and perspectives. Northwest Airlines is committed to maintaining a corporate culture where men and women of all ages, races, physical abilities, preferences and backgrounds are treated with dignity and respect. At Northwest Airlines we recognize that when diversity is valued and respected the results are improved service, customer satisfaction and a positive community image. We believe our employees make a world of difference and work to maintain an environment where diversity and inclusion is a critical component of our success. Our Diversity Vision To build a high performing environment where individual differences and contributions of employees, customers and business partners are respected and valued, the result of which is a business organization where fairness, trust and integrity govern relationships and the way we do business.[Self-explanatory]. Nike - To bring inspiration & innovation to every athlete in the world. Adidas - The Adidas group strives to be the global leader in the sporting goods leader in the sporting goods industry with brands built on a passion for sports and a sporting lifestyle. Campbell Soup - Together we will build the world's most extraordinary food company by nourishing people's lives everywhere every day. Satirically, let's create some bold mission statements for fictionist companies. Here are some I've made up. Enjoy. Hope it Fits Limited - to have the most aggravating return policy known to mankind. Ocean & Water - to say a lot of "GREEN" stuff and try to mean it. Brilliant Strategy (A Marketing Company) - our mission is to a volcanic catalyst and hope to be in business next quarter. Edwards Farm Equipment - our mission statement is to cultivate shit. KICT (Keep It Cheap Travel) Agency - our mission statement is to make every dream holiday appear as cheap as possible until our valued customer signs and then hit them with the barf bag tax, air tax, airport tax, fuel tax, security tax, airport tax, luggage tax, flight attendant tax, airplane food tax, air flight movie tax, commission, brochure tax, room key tax, bell boy tax, mattress tax, and the return flight costs, plus tax. Mediocre Coffee Company - our mission statement is to make an average coffee for the indifferent consumer who enjoys the stiffness of blandness.