Zen & the Mondo Art of Dishwasher Replacement

The 16 year old Maytag died. It was a smelly death. Like anything in it's golden years, we knew it was coming. The old girl was vociferously loud. Like a passing diesel Peterbilt on the 400 with a hole in it's stack that vibrates the asphalt. What volume is necessary on the flatscreen to drone out the moan of the grinding old girl? So, here we go. Purchasing the dishwasher was safe,easy thanks to Bruce at TA. I wasn't going to insert this but feel it is my duty on Planet Earth not to at least mention some of it. My wife & I first entered Sears where I will say we have had good service in the past. Hovering in the appliance section there were two sales staff working hard. Not counting ourselves there were two other couples that stood for more than 15 minutes without even being greeted by a simple hello. Flying Alligator shit happens, I get it! The truly maddening part was the Manager, Assistant Manager, along with two Clerical help in the open office where in a state of "blind oblivion". Yes they had "B.O." We leave. Over to TA, we meet Bruce, we end up making a well informed decision in a Bosch versus a Kenlessormore. New dishwasher is now in our kitchen. Bruce informs myself it isn't difficult to disconnect the old and install the new. Black wire is live, white wire is neutral, the third is ground. Got it. Discharge hose, got it. Hot water supply got it. Balance, check for leaks, holy backwash I'm a triple AAA mechanic. Listen to me tell you, this was no 60 watt light bulb folks. This was a dishwasher. Next weekend I'm rebuilding a 66 Corvette.

Bay of Pigs, April 17, 1961

According to Anderson, Che Guevara wrote to John F. Kennedy thanking him for invading Cuba at Playa Giron (the Bay of Pigs). An event that the CIA, the U.S. i'm sure wish they could erase from the history books. Of all the places where the CIA / Kennedy could have chosen why the southwest side where roads & terrain work against them ? Somewhere in the planning room, the Strategists were not well informed. Perhaps, egos and bravado ran amok.

Would you Care

sitting here pondering if waste removal will take place this morning, b-man gently snores, keeping warm beneath granny wool blankets, briefly listen to Cockburn's wondering where the lions are from portland, oregon, typical monday morning there is a fifty percent chance the recycle bin will land upside down, today for you statisticians, i say 22 percent doing my quick gut math, oh ya, gut math, they don't teach gut math at high school or a the U's, lady passes me on the 400 with her garmin in full site, how did you and i get around before the garmin ? four remotes or harry potter wands in our sod house, guests must figure out which wand holds the mythical zapping power, if your to do list is in your pocket ; is that a hidden agenda? i suppose if we never had February 29th's that one december we could be getting sunburn at the beach, time tells ; or tell time ? time as a tale ? tale of times? in time we will have tails? if the UN made it legislative to erect chain link fences along all international borders, would you care? if CNN is off on the weather this thursday, would you care ? if your local art gallery is on open monday to friday, nine to five, would you care ? if the very last box of kraft dinner ever was sold in Des Moines, would you care ? would Ya? if Buffalo was just a fictional place in a JK Rowling novel, would it matter? would you care ? suppose the first Olympics didn't happen in Greece ; but Bowling Green, Ohio ? would it matter ? would you care ? if Tim Horton played right wing would his coffee taste different today ?

Wouldn't Change a Thing..except maybe some of the little stuff

Celebrities are often asked if reflecting back on their careers, would they have changed anything. Ninety percent of the time the response is no. My beautiful wife, two children I do all over again. Reflecting back to High School & University I would have done more and been more aggressive in pro-active way. Strange how some moments stay with you for the balance of your life. Especially, from sources you really didn't give two shits about. Our Defense Halfback coach at the UOW,during another brutal hitting/tackling practice, stopped the drill and said something along the lines, "80% of it is attitude". In other words wanting to tackling hard and well was mostly in our heads. I'm 48 now, and for obscure reason i recall that moment on the Lancer Football field. Here are some things i would have changes : taken Latin in High School, taken German in High School, and carried on with both swimming & guitar lessons longer. Then there are insignificant moments that i think about. Like calling a certain (football) play and executing a particular pass pattern at QB during a HS Football game. Moments (as they come to me now) that I would live over would be : the family vacation where we spent a night in a "old beat up

trailer" once used for a Beaver Study in Trinity, NFLD. [unfinished]

waiting for the real photographer

B-Man, Santa and me. Nothing like a little quality time with St. Nick as we wait for the photographer. Kim T. from the Barrie SPCA actual took this shot. I would like to thank the Georgian Mall and of course everyone who helps support our Barrie SPCA. B-Man aka Brodan was adopted from the Barrie SPCA by my remarkable, beautiful wife and i on January 24, 2011. Brodan is somewhat unique as he is one of the few Pitbull breeds still permitted in the Province of Ontario by law. The ban was implemented in 2005, Brodan was born in Ontario on April 14, 2004. Brodan's mother was American Pitbull while his father was German Short-Haired Pointer. So as you can well imagine very seldom does anyone say, "Brodan what a beautiful GSP you are."

Death by Bay Leaf

Does your significant other cook with Bay leaves? Its amazing you're alive. Holy Crap. Just another bloody statistic. Do you know how many millions of people die every year from their esophagus being sliced ; bleeding to death by Bay leaves? Either do I, but that's not the point, is it. Ever since our Mothers enhanced our stews, soups, roasts with the gourmet Bay leaf we were warned, "don't eat the bay leaf". As an innocent young man I accepted my Mother's answer that instant death came. Next time you see the Ambulance flashing lights down your street and you're thinking, heart attack, domestic, alcohol poisoning, now add BLT [bay leaf tragedy]. What an enormous power this laurel tree has to produce Bay leaves for cooking. On one hand they add flavour & fragrance to our dishes but if swallowed are fatal. I always pondered well eating my delicious stew wouldn't the flavour from the leaf also be lethal? No, it isn't so much the composition of the Leaf but the texture of its outer leaf edge. The fear was that if caught in your throat it could apparently damage the esophagus. If your esophagus is like elephant skin, an inch thick, you most likely have nothing to fear, however if your esophagus is fragile like a rose pedal..MY GOD ... don't eat stew. I'm only surprised we haven't any "Slayers Against Evil" petition to have legislation passed. It is now law all home owners are required to post in their kitchens signs to all who enter "area contain bay leaves". The truth of the matter is choking on bay leaf is more likely. Although i have never digested a bay leaf, i understand they are pungent. As you carve your spoon into your steaming stew and the creator reveals to the table, "I think I removed all the bay leaves". Have some fun. Place contents of your dinner all over the table setting like a car mechanic in his garage. The guests love this one.

Russell Brand @ RAMA ; worth the wait

Russell Brand is incredible quick and witty. His command of the english language would even raise the furry eyebrows on Noam Chomsky. Moments after taken the stage, my wife and I found RB standing directly behind us as he made his way through the sell out crowd. Unique. That's the only word I can think of to describe RB. He has a style all his own. RB poked fun of our Canadian names ; Orillia, Ontario, Toronto, Ottawa, Canada. At one point RB asked if he was performing on a Indian Burial Ground? "What is this place?", RB kept asking. "A Casino?" RB took the time to sit down with two "golden girls" from Casino Rama and gave each a nice hug. RB even was kind enough to provide a glossary of terms and slang so we Canadians could easily interpret his native UK diction. For example "wanking" means "jerking off". Sitting in the front row RB had fun with Brady the Trailer Park worker. Referring to him as Cheech (Cheech & Chong) from Lord of the Rings. The night ended with RB and "Cheech" ringing up a escort ad from the Toronto Sun. I believe one nervous male sitting in the audience yelled out "what happens if someone's phone rings in the audience?" RB- "oh well" or something to that effect. You had to wonder if the concern may have been his date came from the Toronto Sun. Russell Brand hilarious show. T Brady, if you're reading this, "what did your sister say after the show?".

Mission statements, the good, the bad, & atrocious.

Does anyone give a rat's ass what your "mission statement" is ? Have you ever been in a corporate setting and cohesively try to write a mission statement? Steel toe kick me in the scrotum. The longer and all encompassing the statement is, should be an indicator how stuffy the place is to work. Simple works well. Direct. Easy to understand. Easy to remember. However, there are some that aren't satisfied until the creation of the mission statement is a minimum of three quarters of a page long. How about a mission statement is, "to put a smile on your face, but making money is more important". Hey, I like that. Have you ever read a mission statement and need to look for a book marker? Have you ever read a company's mission statement twice ? Strongly doubt it. Have you ever read a company's mission statement in one their location, where it is being proudly displayed for all to see and then, almost in the same breath take a look at the chump behind the cash box? Starbucks - Our mission: to inspire and nurture the human spirit – one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time. I like this one. Barnes & Noble - [Here are the first three lines of their mission statement]. Our mission is to operate the best specialty retail business in America, regardless of the product we sell. Because the product we sell is books, our aspirations must be consistent with the promise and the ideals of the volumes which line our shelves. [It then goes on & on...] Avon Products - their mini-essay mission statement is over 252 words long. Ford Motor Company - We are a global family with a proud heritage passionately committed to providing personal mobility for people around the world.[Simple & direct] NWA - Workforce diversity gives us access to a world of different ideas and perspectives. Northwest Airlines is committed to maintaining a corporate culture where men and women of all ages, races, physical abilities, preferences and backgrounds are treated with dignity and respect. At Northwest Airlines we recognize that when diversity is valued and respected the results are improved service, customer satisfaction and a positive community image. We believe our employees make a world of difference and work to maintain an environment where diversity and inclusion is a critical component of our success. Our Diversity Vision To build a high performing environment where individual differences and contributions of employees, customers and business partners are respected and valued, the result of which is a business organization where fairness, trust and integrity govern relationships and the way we do business.[Self-explanatory]. Nike - To bring inspiration & innovation to every athlete in the world. Adidas - The Adidas group strives to be the global leader in the sporting goods leader in the sporting goods industry with brands built on a passion for sports and a sporting lifestyle. Campbell Soup - Together we will build the world's most extraordinary food company by nourishing people's lives everywhere every day. Satirically, let's create some bold mission statements for fictionist companies. Here are some I've made up. Enjoy. Hope it Fits Limited - to have the most aggravating return policy known to mankind. Ocean & Water - to say a lot of "GREEN" stuff and try to mean it. Brilliant Strategy (A Marketing Company) - our mission is to a volcanic catalyst and hope to be in business next quarter. Edwards Farm Equipment - our mission statement is to cultivate shit. KICT (Keep It Cheap Travel) Agency - our mission statement is to make every dream holiday appear as cheap as possible until our valued customer signs and then hit them with the barf bag tax, air tax, airport tax, fuel tax, security tax, airport tax, luggage tax, flight attendant tax, airplane food tax, air flight movie tax, commission, brochure tax, room key tax, bell boy tax, mattress tax, and the return flight costs, plus tax. Mediocre Coffee Company - our mission statement is to make an average coffee for the indifferent consumer who enjoys the stiffness of blandness.

Tromebone Shorty - Nov. 17th Toronto [this guy is good]

When I was graduating from the UoW in 1987, Troy Andrews was born. TS is 25 yrs old. There is no doubt in my mind, he will soon be put in the ranks of Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Herb Albert, Herbie Hancock, Ornette Coleman, Sonny Rollins and others. His style is beautifully unique. Excitingly refreshing. It's Jazz, Funk and Heavy Rock. At 11pm Tromebone Shorty hit the stage to a mix of young and old, bouncing at the Opera House on Queen St. East. A seven piece New Orleans band with saavy spunk. TS played a good selection from his latest cd, "For

True". I first learned about TS by seeing him appear on the Conan show as muscial guest. I was hooked. Along with Tomebone, TS plays trumpet. At one point about a third into the set he blew into the trumpet and held it without breath which went on forever,(between a minute & two), near the end of holding his breath, I thought his eyes were going to shoot out of his sockets. You cannot but help bounce to his music. This guy is good. My wife and I were smacked against the stage capitivated by entire bands performance. I was surprised to see so many University guys and ladies right into it. As well to the other extreme there was certainly your more elegant, mature Toronto Jazz representative too. Tromebone Shorty as his name implies is bout 5'-7' maybe 125 lbs soaking wet. Hi s energy level is explosive. I cannot imagine anyone saying that they were disappointed by this concert. Keep your ears open ; you're going to be hearing more from Tromebone Shorty.

Sub 3 for BK

Three weeks ago Brendan missed his goal of running a sub 3 hour marathon at the Scotia Toronto Waterfront by 62 seconds. Yesterday his quest ended. Brendan ran 2 hrs, 58 minutes. To a runner this is quite an achievement. Brendan did his sub 3 at the 5th Hamilton Road 2 Hope Marathon. Yesterday marked Brendan's third time running it, while it was my fourth. Acclaimed one of the fastest courses on the circuit, I would acknowledge but what is seldom revealed is the 5km downhill on the Red Hill Creek Expressway and the punishment that it takes on your quads. Perhaps the key to this race more than anything is km marker 27 to 33. If you can push through that segment than you have overcome the worst. Yesterday was Brendan's day. The sun was shining and the temperature warmed so you didn't have to be bundled running. To the volunteers, Hamilton Police, and of course to the organizers of the Road 2 Hope, thank you for putting on an excellent event.

Sunny & 12

golden retriever heading down the trail, my faithful Brodan delivers his whail, you chronic nut, what is it that you moan & growl so much, you sound like a pregnant blue noise whale on a Marine Biologist tape, neighbours are stirring, silence, a bus, then mom sparks, hey it's going to be sunny &12. jn 11/4/11

moVember

http://ca.movember.com/mospace/1640640/ with every donation from this moment on, i will create a brand new piece of poetry. guaranteed to make you laugh or cry with sadness (because my prose is so terribly bad). great cause. thanking you in advance, cheers, Jamie

Lou & Metallica

Ten more days til the release of "Lulu". I can't wait to hear this collaboration.

Moneyball [review]

Art Howe, "Pena's playing first." Beane,"..i don't think so." [pause] Howe, "no, Pena's, playing first ". Beane, " Pena can't play first, he's a Detroit Tiger now". Moneyball is a fabuluous movie that all can enjoy. Based on the true story of the 2002 Oakland A's. Billy Beane the GM of the A's introduces a new "complete statitician" theory to the game of baseball. At the time, A's entire Payroll was approx $ 30,000 versus the NY Yankees gluttant $ 140,000. I have read many baseball books (Moneyball is in print too) ; this rates right up there with the classic "Ball Four" by Jim Bouton, or the "The Year the Expos Almost Won the Pennant". Brad Pitt plays a convincing Billy Beane. Sidebar :[ is the song Billy Beane's daughter sings in the movie the same as one on the Gap commercials?]. I would have to agree with my best friend, the ending of the movie could have wrapped up tighter. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays Art Howe - priceless. If you are a Math Teacher, if you are a Manger, a Leader, a creative thinker, or you are a Problem Solver, go see Moneyball. This movie has so many metaphors for everyday life. The movie opens up with Beane trying to persuade the Owner to givining him more cash for the payroll. The Owner as you can imagine tells Beane straight up we're a small time club, the payroll isn't going to get bigger, your job is to find a way to put a winning formula on the field. Keep searching until you find the solution. Remember JP Ricciardi the GM for the Toronto Blue Jays? JP came from the 2002 Oakland A's organization. I wouldn't be surprise if Moneyball wins awards.

70.3 Mont Tremblant June 2012

Thinking of a race to do next year. Tired of Muskoka? Not too interested in doing easy flat courses? Like some culture? 70.3 Mont Tremblant registration opned Monday Sep. 19th. Don't wait. Pretty certain there are three Barrie TC Baydogs already signed including yours truly.

Febreeze ; Wasp Nest ? Really ?

Febreeze is remarkable for blowing the stink off a Triathlete's dirty laundry among the coiled locker in his/her part of the bedroom. Febreeze is splendid for giving the foyer a hint of morning garden freshness just before distinguished guest arrive. Ever notice Febreeze is never used for immediate family? Generally some outside of immediate family. Just an observation. Febreeze works well in our trucks, cars and our basements. Enough. Febreeze, lets others know, you had a dead-foul wretched smell, you have just manufactured to superficialy cover up, long enough for most to walk through getting a mouthful of aerosol quicly followed by them holding their nose for the duration of their visit. Making drinking Earl Gray tricky. Boom. Move on. A week ago, my wife noticed a wasp nest outside the front door and suggeted one of us spray after dark, to dispose off. She was most certain we had some Axe Body spray or Raid tucked away that would do the trick. After scouring the pantry I came across, you guessed it "winter fresh" febreeze. You eager to ask, "did it work in ridding the wasps from the stoop?". Nope, but those wasps sure do smell pretty. In fact, i think more have moved in.

Ten Years After

To our great neighbours to our south, thinking of you, and your families, health, emotions, and memories from September 11th, ten years go.

It Is What it Is ?

I have a few pet peeves and sure there are expressions that drive many of you crazy, some of those older ones generally used in business are "at the end of day" and "24/7". Making matters worse, have you ever had a visitor, not once but repeatly to nausea they use "24/7". Perhaps like they have an arsenal of 100 words in their vocabulary but have this internal wiring system that produces from their wrenched vocal chords "24/7" every thirty minutes. Enough. "It is what it is". Who ever came up with this should be hog tied, shot with an elephant gun and then urinated on and just for good measure kicked in the ear drum. Folks, talk about a "quitters" white flag salute. The founder of this expression was quite obviously a born loser. The guy who was always picked last for a game of street hockey. Played on teams that always fell into the basement in the overall standings. Policticaly did not have the courage to stand up & make a change. Do you think Martin Luther King ever said "it is, what it is". Do you think FDR ever shouted from his wheelchair "It is, what it is". I'm pretty certain Steve Jobs used this cry baby expression all the time ? Geez, i can't tie up my shoes,"it is what it is", oh,, i can't do it, i quit. Make me vomit 10W-40 heavy duty. For god sake people of this foul expression. Get some rubber balls! Be proud. Have some confidence. Have some fight. Don't be a limp piece of licorice. People of the world let us put an end to this one.

the MKC

I had the pleasure of meeting Claudia the Owner of the Madawaska Kanoe Club yesterday. Close to twenty years I have waved at the Kayakers going down the Madawaska River in front of the cottage, always preferring to stick to my bike. My wife once came dam close to enrolling me in a White Water Kayaking course. Lessons? We don't need no stinking lessons. We an Azul kayak that we use for recreation fun and I decided it was time to kickit up a knotch. My ultimate plan is to acquire a true White Water Dagger, but in the meantime buying a used ; end of sale kayak is ok too. (seen in picture). I'm told by Claudia it was originally a 'Sea Kayak' that was converted to an oversized person WW Kayak.
for more info go to www.owl-mkc.ca

Smooth Landing

To the young lady who warned the rest of us that she may scream upon landing, thank you.

Ballooning

Up 1300 feet, moving at 20 kph [13mph], a therepeutic adventure. The tranquility is unattainable Disney magic. For my wife's 29th birthday i promised her something to give her a little lift. Simon our English Pilot added value to the flight. After the 45 minute flight there was champagne and delightful conversation with the Farmer where we landed in his field.
The body of water in the picture is Kempenfelt Bay which runs into Simcoe Lake where we live.

Canadians Only ; Not available to U.S. residents

A few years back I was training with SP & noticed his bike speedometer was in MPH. His explanation was to train the mind differently as well as to prepare him for events south of the Tim Horton line. Fast forward to last night. I purposely changed my Bontrager speedometer from KMH to MPH.
I have to agree with SP ; it works. Our Canadian minds become so condition to thinking in kilometers that riding in MPH units made me push myself that much harder. I'm going to ride for the balance of the week in the old imperial system which i believe is used by only one nation.
Perhaps the Tea Party should make this their primary platform before they fix the 17 trillion debt, we're going to switch to the metric system like Canada.

review: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

James Franco delivers a level four performance as the lab chemist perfecting "113" thats end game is to reverse alheimers. What the fudge? Am I watching Planet of the Apes? It was, without any camio from Charlston Heston or Roddy McDowell from the 1968 original. No, I was not effected by having to sit in row 4 from the screen. Side bar conversation here, how in gods name does anyone, watch a wide screen movie in row one ? I'd rather do a yoga back bridge, on a carpet of nails while two 10,000 watt air search light beams flash in each eye than sit row one. Go to your local Drive-In, stand so your nose touches the screen, take four steps back ; that's Row one. Oh, but the leg room ? Couldn't make out the ocean blur but had mega room for my legs to stretch. Go ahead & enjoy your movie. Cineplex should pay movie-goers who self-mutalate themselves to sit in Row one? Before i get back to the PotA, a message to the owners of Cineplex. Please fire the contract cleaners and replace the carpet because the stench in the theatre is bacteria alarming.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes is an entertaining movie, the adaptations and life like chimps are truly eerie real. I was expecting more in the story plot especially being a true fan from the originals, nonetheless I would give it three and half stars. I know what your thinking, not much of a movie review. Your right.

Bracebridge Olympic Tri

There is something quite soothing about the Triathlon races in Gravenhurst, Bala, & Bracebridge. Yes, small town, at the same time a real calm and connectiveness among athletes. I like to personally thank John Salt, Jason, and the rest of the Multi-Sport Team for putting on.
2011 Bracebridge Olympic was personally a decent race for me. My swim time was once respectable and my bike too. On the flats heading out, I thought to myself at this pace, I might even hold a 38 kph avg and then i hit the hills and many of them. It's strange how your mind seems to forget these little details from the prior year. To the gentleman with "60" on the back of his left calf who went ripping by me, thank you for giving me hope. It can be done. I think it was Murry Legge from Richmnd Hill who held a 35.4 kph avg on the bike. One word "wow". To my friend Rex, who just suffered a terrible crash in IMLP and broke his collar bone and ribs. On the bike coming back into Bracebridge we were held up by three cars moving at 25 kph while the bikes were up around 35. After much frustration I made the attempt to pass the Honda directly in front of me on the right which i could easily see about 4 feet of clearance. I know what you're thinking and yes i agree. As I pulled even with the Honda's righthand view mirror, the Honda began to veer right leaving me with about 12 inches of asphalt before i would be forced onto the gravel shouldar. It was at this precise moment Rex, I thought of you and on went my brakes hard to put me in a position once again behind of Honda. For a brief moment I had visions of a nasty fall. No one was hurt and I'm pretty sure the young driver in the Honda was completely oblivious. Enough about the bike.
My run time was 49 minutes which i wouldn't normally post but considering a have done absolutely no running what so ever ; I'll take it.
It's unfortunate that our local Barrie race conflicts with Bracebridge as obviously it would be nice to do both. Finally to the residence of Bracebridge, thank you for your support.

Riding in Ottawa

Paul from Kananta bikes 90km plus every Sunday. On Colonel By Dr. one of several streets that the City of Ottawa closes every sunday until 1pm, I met Paul. He informed me he makes the journey into Ottawa from Kanata, then does the priority streets and heads back usually giving him 90 to 100 km. Cycling next to the Rideau Canal is not only beautiful, it is incredibly refreshing knowing their are no cars. I'm told there are two other streets just like Colonel By Dr., but unfortunately ran out of time. Many of the ridrs were Mom's & Dad's with their famalies. There were roller bladers too. Like Vancouver, downtown Ottawa has many bicycle lanes, making it safe & easy to get around. My wife and I stayed at the Hotel Indigo (a nice Hotel with history, I'd recommend). [pic of my son on crutches & my wife walking across a bike lane].
The morning of our departure was the first work day of the week and I was pleasantly surprised to see how many "suits' were on bikes going to their office. To the City of Ottawa I give you full marks. That's a Level 4 I believe in the School system of grading.
If you live in the Ottawa area and know of some other hidden gem routes please let me know.
For that fact our Province has an enormous beauty if you know a gem route you like to share ; let us know.

Canada : do you smell Opportunity ?

Canada's national population is approximatley the same as the state of California. Our chief importer of our goods is the U.S. ; not a surprise. Today our dollar value is US$1.05. To the south is pretty much controlled utter chaos, between the old guard Republican, the new "Tea Party" Republicans & Democrats. I wonder if "Manufacturing Consent" is still applicable here Mr. Chomsky? Noam I love to know what you're thinking right now. Canada has always been the little sister to the U.S. We're taught that in our schooling and continue to believe it as we move into the business world. As Canadians our first and truly genuine thought to our good neighbour to the south is, we hope the conclusion of this story works out for you, and more importantly for the working "joe" who lives in Cincinnati, Buffalo, New Orleans, Bowling Green, Jefferson City, Flint, and everywhere else. In the meantime, I'd love to know our Parliment Hill's strategic planning this very second. Is Steven Harper thinking, opportunity? Is there an opportunity for Canada to increase its global economic standing? [By all means not at the expense of the U.S. because that would simply be unCanadian.] Conan joked ; if the U.S. is "evicted" from their homes they will move north to Canada and live in our basements. According to some sources the far east have contingency plans ready to go. The Bank of Canada is apparently stock piling "cash". Canada, is this week a pivotal moment in our history ? In the World's eyes will this be a monumental advance for the "Tim Horton" nation? Or at best can we hope to limit damage control. I believe there is opportunity in almost everything, sometimes you just have to search a little harder.

Bala Sprint

Jason L. [Race Director] took several readings of Lake temperature. The lowest reading i'm told was 26 degrees celcius (79 degrees F), consequently no wetsuits. Keep in mind we just finished experiencing plus 30 C all week, where you could practical melt iron ore on your sidewalk next to your eggs. Bala is one of my favourite places for racing and as usual there was great representation from the Barrie TC. All of the members had good races. Lloyd Smith and Mattman had especially top notch performances. However, the highlight of the day was post race when Tina (?) was handing out Awards & "draw prizes". About halfway through a younger lad is announced and he wins a watch. Now, I didn't see the watch first hand, but I'm fairly certain it be a decent Triathlon watch. He sauntered to the front like he was receiving a D+ from his English Teacher for writing a deplorable essay on MacBeth. Tina observing his stale emotions had some fun with the young man and encouraged him (in fun) to celebrate ; get excited ; because he had just won a goddam friggin watch! Expressionless and with a stride where his foot didn't miss a single blade of grass as he dragged the soles of his shoes along the turf, he accepted the watch with a slight nod as to say, "geez thanks a friggin Tri watch, what the hell am i going to do with this?" kind of look, he returned to his spot in the crowd. If I didn't know better, I betacha the young lads mother pointed a stern finger at him earlier on and said something along the lines of "why don't you go outside and get some exercise or sign up for the Bala Triathlon, maybe you will win a watch!".
So, Bala as usual was most enjoyable. To John Letteri, the Hero Burgers were delicious!

Bike Patrol

Reminds me of the TV commercial from the 80's with Robert Conrad (BaBa Black Sheep etc), "go ahead i dare you..."

When its plus 35 degrees C

don't pump your tires up to 120 psi. unless you like changing punctured tires.

SkiN

You're not a true Cyclist until you have taken a spill and lost a layer or two of skin. Jon Dow last weekend had a nasty wipe out during the Peterborough Half Iron. He was unable to finish. It's probably killing him inside that a "DNF" went up beside his name in the overall standings, more so, than the actual loss of epidermis. Ted Read from the Barrie TC had a serious accident at the turn at Duckworth & Cundles. Ted lost his entire season. I've seen cars in winter end up in the ditch at this specific turn. On the glory side the Cyclists is sometimes honoured by naming rights. It may have been Tim Hatch that crowned the Duckworth/Cundles corner as "Ted Corner". To this day, I still think of that one spot as "Ted Corner". Its a honour like a battle ground. Two years ago, I took a slippery wipe out on the railroad tracks that cross Little St. I remember going down and sliding on the asphalt for many meters. The other time was mountain biking and coming down on the end of my handlebars breaking the fall with my ribs. That was painful. Even more painful than sitting through "Super 8" in the Cineplex. Cyclists like showing their war wounds, and Jon Dow's unfortunate fall this past weekend will be one he can speak for some time to come.

Time Trials July 6th

It was great seeing the gang again last night, at our Barrie TC Baydog Time Trials. A fabuluous turnout, with Lloyd Smith keeping time. To the residents on Line 1, we thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of asphalt with our Club. We respect your privacy and will do our upmost to ensure we do not impede while the Time Trials takes place. Thank you.

Deer Car Rental,

On night two, one of our crew had the misfortune of coming in contact with a deer. Luckily the Toyota van was only moving at 35 kph at the time. The deer apparently hit the ground, shook itself, and then ran off into the woods. The Toyota took the punishment and lasted without fault through to to the duration of the RAAM race. Thank god for car rental insurance.

Race Across America

My good friend Mark Herbst and I at the finish line in Annapolis, Maryland. Six days, 23 hours and 21 minutes to cross the USA. RAAM the toughest bicylce race on the planet.

Cookie Cabin

Sporting my new Arizona Cycling jersey, enjoying a fresh baked enormous cookie from the ladies at the Cookie Cabin.

Base of Mt. Lemmon

27 miles to the top. After mile one, for a split second you wonder what the hell you taken on. Then it passes. Mile 20 to 23 is a joy. However descending has got to be the biggest natural high.
Reaching speeds of 70 kph on a twisting slope. Pure joy.

Mt. Lemmon Climb

To all avid cyclists, make sure you put this on your bucket list. My good friends Ultan & Philippe and I climbed Mt. Lemmon back to back along with every pure roadie in Tucson. I learned from Ryan at the Arizona Cycle that Lance Armstrong and US Postal used Mt. Lemmon as a training ground. On the second morning around mile 16 a "Pro" past me. apparently it was his second time up the mountain that morning. To the ladies at the "Cookie Cabin" at the top of Mt. Lemmon thank you for your wonderful hospitality. I will be back.

Mt Lemmon

Just finished climbing Mt. Lemmon today. A must do. 2.5 hrs 50 km (27 mi.) of 6% grade climbing. 8,000 feet altitude. Coming down is simply a blast.

JD, Rex, & BK Inspiration Factor

There are fine examples of dedication & hard work ethic around us everyday. Our Barrie Triathlon Club [TC] is filled with 85 living examples. Nevertheless, most recently, three individuals to the forefront. Brendan Kavanaugh (BK) is simply one of the nicest people you will ever meet with a heart of double platinum covered in the purest gold. BK is 100 % Runner endeavouring to crack the sub 3. I have witnessed his endless dedication to this process. Last Sunday, when BK turned in a 3 hour & 44 second Mississauga Marathon I cringed for him. BK will do it. Why ? Because he is devoted to the cause.
Rex, is another guy, who has had his story recently published in the Running Room magazine. If you haven't had the opportunity please read it. The Tri season has started and Rex will be turning heads (again) with his race times.
Lastly, there is Jon Dow. A 21 year old, with 175 lbs. frame with 1 % body fat. Like Rex & BK just a super human being. Two years ago, John Dow was a 1:55/100 m swimmer, 32 kph avg. bike rider, and a 4:40 pace runner. Today, JD is unstoppable. JD won the CF 10K Run this spring. JD tells me he can consistantly hold a 1:40/100 m swim pace. God help him if he ever gets a new tri bike, because this machine pumps out close to 36 kph avg going uphill. At Sundays Mississuga Marathon JD came in third. No, not in his category, overall. Time, 2 hrs and 47 minutes. Yikes.
To Brendan, Rex, and Jonny Dow, thanks for being an IF [Inspiration Factor]. Most importantly, thank you for being great family people and great friends to many. To you guys!

Jon Dow is second from the left. Brendan is third in from the right.

I saw Alfred E. Newman at the Midway

Alfred E. Newman. The back wall of the Midway has a picture of Alfred E. Newman. There must be easily 250 to 300 pictures of celebrities, Arnold Swarzenegger, Elvis, John Wayne, Daryl Sittler, Mel Brooks, Jane Manfield, Paul Newman, Burt Reynolds, Clint, the Rat Pack and Alfred E. Newman.
The Midway is by default a retro diner that was last renovated when the Captain Kangaroo went off the air. Located on a street that once was a going concern,in Barrie, Canada, the Midway serves in my opinion the absolute best breakfast. There are several to choose from, but guys, the one you want is the "Lumberjack". The service is attendative and prompt. Coffee is re-filled quickly and before you know you need more. There are many regulars. The Owner accepts cash only. Parking is limited. The Midway's loyal following is so true blue, that there are Seniors who are no longer able to drive, will take the Barrie taxi at heir own expense to break themselves loose of their retirment homes just for a good ole meal, a cup of joe and some down to earth conversation. As I was gulping down my lumberjack breakfast i studied the 5 X 7 print of Alfred and recalled my elementary days whereby i would race down to the local variety store for the next month's edition of "Mad" magazine. The first Mad Magazine i ever bought did a satirical version of Clockwork Orange a Stanley Kubrick movie that just had made it to the theatres. Yesterday, I saw Alfred E. Newman.

Rammstein in Toronto May 8th 2011

Well worth the wait. Rammstein, Toronto is your new North American home. As Lemmy of Motorhead has often said, "Toronto, you have been the best audience and we thank you!". Rammstein fired out almost all the tracks from their latest cd "Lifad". The Toronto Fire Department must have been crappin their pants. [lol]. Sitting at the far end of the ACC in the first row of the upper level we could feel the heat from each thrust of fire. For Ramstein fans who stayed away, you will be terribly sorry you missed this one. Come back soon to Toronto.

The Swim

In High School and still til this day, if i go to a football game, i go early to watch the punters & QB's in warm up. To me the perfect spiral is like poetry. I'm just amazed how effortless professional QB's can arch the ball with perfect touch and it slips through the air into the receivers hands. Or a punter warming up with very little effort can soar the ball with an amazing spiral and send it 50 yards. Proudly, being a former QB ; i'm quite proud I have nice spiral. Doesn't it matter ? Not really.
Swimming is the same. Ever watch the gift of someone who glides through the water making almost no splash, no waves but is moving incredibly fast, it's beautiful. Even more artful, is with two front crawl strokes they have covered a distance of 5 meters to your 2 meters. I'm sure many of us Triatletes with non swimming backgrounds wonder if it will ever be possible to swim like a Phelps or a Torpedo. I have done a ocean full of reading on swimming, and one common element is this art takes time to develop sometimes four or five years. Its discipline, it's hardwork, and it's mostly working on technique. Last year I swam with the Barrie Masters and I put my heart and soul into practice. I was told by many that my swimming had improved dramatically, but I was disappointed in not loping off more time from my 100m pace. This year swimming without the Masters but four times a week, i am starting to see results. People you have no idea how happy this makes me. I'll be honest i'm not a fast swimmer, but my improvement is quite satisfying.

Butt Cream (the inside story)

A touchy subject, but in the end, not using butt cream, can be a pain in the ass.
It begins with, "i'm going to really pursue cycling as a sport". Followed by the novice question "should i be purchasing proper bike shorts?". To a rookie mistake i made, wearing by boxers underneath my bike shorts. Thought i was going to say, "overtop,..didn't ya?". Nope never tried this method. I'm sure someone, somewhere, for some reason has.
Think of chafing as 3/4 HP belt sander being applied agressively against sensitive skin, then burning like a teapot set on high. Ooo.oouch! Just has to happen once and i'm fairly certain, you won't say, "jeez, i can't wait for this to happen again". My recommendation is any bike ride over two hours apply butt cream. Let's say you were doing the "Race Across America aka RAAM", and you sitting fourth row back in the pre-race meeting and it is question time. Don't ask, you need about 36 containers of butt cream.
Secondly, if you in a room full of men, let's say inside a tent at T1 during Ironman, and you have dried off from the 4k swim, don't moan or smile like a raving imbecile with your eyes rolling back into your head while applying butt cream. Or,.. do if you need more personal space.
Lastly, if you are a support crew member for a RAAM racer (RAAM just saw the pun) make sure it clearly states in your job description, in no circusmstances will you ever, have to retrieve, locate, apply, purchase, sponge, clean up, taste, or put the lid back on, butt cream.
Now, get out there and race.

RAAM

My good friend Mark Herbst is challenging the "wack"* endurance competition, the Race Across America. At 55 years young, an extrodinary athlete. Swimmer, runner, x-country skiier and his most potent skill, cycling. To look at Mark you would peg him for mid-forties no much more, so when one learns he remembers Elvis Presley birth, the invention of B&W television, and the first telephone, and his first convertible the Model-T, most if not all all aghast. I was introduced to Mark via his son Eric also an incredible triathlete who literally taught me how to swim (correctly) 6 years ago. A few months back Mark, approached me and asked if I would join Paul Millar (the other half of this crazy expedition) and him to be one his road crew. Truly honoured, I arranged time off, made sure I had the love of my life's blessing and i said yes.
Last weekend we were to do a 24 hour dry run. 700 km non-stop RAAM simulation with caravan but unfortunately to some unexpected crap weather, it was cancelled. Sorry if i offended anyone with crap, but it was downright shitty. Last week, Mark called, we got together for Second Cup coffee as we normally do, and he had another favour. Although they had been successful and acquiring a massage therapist, the "bike mechanic" had backed out. Would I also take on this challenge ? If you can wait 15 minutes for your tire to be changed, sure. Jumping ahead, i'm "plan B" for bike mechanic. Stay tuned, m

ore to come. Please visit, www.raceacrossamerica.org and FB

Untitled by ijamie63 at Garmin Connect - Details

Untitled by ijamie63 at Garmin Connect - Details

28 Days til Rammstein

excited? a little (as he types in lower case). Rammstein is coming to Toronto, Canada. my son Charlie and i have our seats and are prepped. seatbelts are on. brushing up on my germany. oh ya, i don't speak german. should be a memorable show. Rammstein.

Tucson / Mt. Lemmon

Heading out later in May to do some biking (road). Any Suggestions ?

this Canadian

took out the Basso road bike last night went for my first ride of the 2011 season and then came home to discover thae "Race Across America" on the Discovery channel for 8pm wasn't on.

Cozumel Pt. 2 Swimming with the Dolphins

An experience you have to try. The beauty and intelligence of the Dolphin is quite remarkable. A big thanks to our "Guide/Trainer" Mad Max.

Cozumel

Quite the place. Much smaller than you would think. Cozumel is 100,000 people large. IM Cozumel bike route is essentially three loops of the island. Friendly people and considering the size of the island the downtown core is quite large. Well, it is a hub for Cruise liners.
If you go to Cozumel, you must go to their National Park and swim with the Dolphins.
IM Cozumel is in November and I a m told by Mark Harrison that although flat the winds make it a challenging course.

Grade 6 ; Story Time

Unexplainable, but just had a moment of flashback, to grade 6 where there was an underground competition to write & share amongst the class the most twisted, sick, belly-producing laughs. Our Teacher encouraged us to improve our language skills to create, write and then read aloud our stories. A small group of us had one ambition and that was to see who could draw the biggest laughs or biggest moans from the girls. Week after week Jeff Locke won the tile. He came up with the most incredible twisted de-captitating tales. What made the competition so edgy was our Teacher strongly disapproved of chatter from the carpet where we sat listening. Suppressed laughter was equally a subconscious part of story time. Your stomach muscles hurt, you're biting your own hand, squeezing your legs tighter together than a Rick Flair fiugre four move. Jeff had a way of making up these tales and getting the five other guys to explode into laughter. We never skipped a friday because we looked forward to this moment every week. Jeff you were the master. A moment in history I would re-live.

2011 Peterborough Half

I love this race. The new route is a winner and a keeper. To the the husband & wife sitting at the end of their driveway in lawn chairs cheering kudos. To everyone who was cheering for Mr. Kansas, I have a confession, the t-shirt is from Kansas, I'm not. I'm sure their were many locals telling their friends, "hey, some guy came from Kansas to do the Peterborough Half".
Overall numbers were down from last year but were up in my age bracket. Fellow Barrie TC member Mary Mitchell rocked the race finishing the hilly course in 1 hr 36 mins taking first in her age category. Although I did not do a PB, I was absolutely thrilled with the results since I haven't run since November, [maybe four times and longest run might have been 12.5 km]. The night before I was at the Motorhead concert which some might say is an advantage to the adrenline. Reflectling back their were times for this race, I would go to sleep at 9pm the night before. To all at the YMCA and to the City of Peterborough, we love your race. You are to be applauded. Keep the event. Keep smiling. It's now a tradition.

Motorhead review Kool Haus Feb. 26th 2011

I enjoy loud Motorhead music. However, when you dial it up beyond the optimal point where reverberation & distortion take over, what is gain? Answer, sweet bugger all. Phil, Mickey and Lemmy were excellent, basically playing the same set adding two new additions to the set from "The World is Yours". Also personal favourites "In the Thousand Names of God" and "We Are Motorhead". Really wish they would drop "Jos Cause You Got the Power" from their set list. Its weak, especially with such an arsenal of songs to choose from. Why not "Desperado" ? I do believe that Toronto is one of Motorhead's more enjoyable North American Cities to play. As Phil said, "You guys are crazy!". After the fifth song, Phil & Lemmy poll their audiences by particiaption in making the loudess crowd noise. It's a competition among all their touring cities. I got the feeling Toronto walked away with the title. Clutch was very good as the opening act, much more enjoyable than Reverend Bob last year but still not as spectacular the year they had Corrosion of Conformity open. Nashville Pussy is always good too. Lastly, I had the great pleasure of meeting in person Documentary producer Sam Dunn. Overall Motorhead ranked a 8 out of 10. Well done.

Hours in the Week

How many hours day do you watch television? One hour? Three hours ? For fun keep a journal how your hours are spent in a given week. You might surprise yourself in what you discover. Sleep, meals, FB, Twitter, Blogs, TV, exercise, yoga, singing in the shower, clipping your toe nails, work, thinking about work, planning vacation, filling up the rig with petro, walking to the mailbox, reading a book, drinking coffee, talking to a friend on the phone, planning dinner, driving to work, eating lunch, helping the kids with homework, blow drying your hair, deciding what to wear, walking the dog, eating ice cream, writing a letter to a friend, shopping, mediatating, spacing out, day dreaming, buying lottery tickets. You get it.

Incomplete Sentences

Family Day. Monday February 21st 2011, a time to pause, reflect, and then crank it up six knotches . Life. The moon, the earth, the stars, Land Rover or Bucklewinkle the Moose. My brother called me yesterday, to say hi, talk and let me know Lemmy had a review in the Toronto Star. Brodan woke me up at 5am this morning. Why ? Because its family day. Guess who's sleeping right now. Has anyone ever said, "to Manitoba and back ; just for fun". Somewhere out there someone today will purchase a Christmas gift. Is there front bacon? Cool whip or whipping cream, which in fact is better. Does it count if you put a scoop of Rollo ice cream in your juicer? A sand bagger. Have a great family day.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to my "Mustang Sally". Ok, so the Sled is a relic. 1991 400 Polaris, making it 20 years old. Surprisingly it moves fast enough for me. I think Mustang Sally here is telling me she has the speedometer up over ___ kph.

You might not think so, but this guy is .. fast.

Meet Brodan. 0 to 50 mph in 3 seconds. Brodan the lighning bolt. Cheetah. Secretariat. He's fast. My training partner on my runs. Brodan runs beautifully with me, right next to my side. Looking down at him he's doing the "Harness Horse trot", barely looks like it's a effort for him.
My wife and I adopted Brodan from the SPCA January 24th. Brodan is a six year old male, mixed breed.
His father was German Pointer and his mother was American Pitbull. Just looking at Brodan his percentage of body fat must be sub 2%. Which for most of us would be a dream come true. Just one problem with my running buddy. He loathes winter. He has an aversion to winter coats and winter booties too. But so do I. That's not to say I run naked.
Soon the warm spring temperatures will be here and you will see my bud & I out running.

Three Little things I've Learned in the last Week

I was talking healthy diets with Frank Astri (Chiropractic Clinic) recently about my morning breakfast of peanut butter (extra crunchy) sandwiches and sometimes flavoured yogurt. Frank suggested if i'm looking to cut out a few LBS. to switch to Almond Butter instead of peanut butter , and try cooking my own oatmeal for breakfast. Fewer calories, more firbre and all around just a little bit better than the former.
The third was from my good friend Mark Herbst who i ran into X-Crossing Skating yesterday at Horseshoe. Mark notice my pole straps had slack. Mark informed me that when you extend your poles directly behind you 90 degrees to your body that they should stay there without having to grasp the poles with your hands. In other words the straps are tight and firm against the poles. This alows more power and leverage with each skate. Gues what? It worked.

Cottage Life January 2011

Classic X-Country Skiing

Great workout Saturday at the lovely trails at Horseshoe Valley. I compiled in my head 45 km but when i checked my garmin, the tally was 7.5 km. Strange how that works.