Mission statements, the good, the bad, & atrocious.

Does anyone give a rat's ass what your "mission statement" is ? Have you ever been in a corporate setting and cohesively try to write a mission statement? Steel toe kick me in the scrotum. The longer and all encompassing the statement is, should be an indicator how stuffy the place is to work. Simple works well. Direct. Easy to understand. Easy to remember. However, there are some that aren't satisfied until the creation of the mission statement is a minimum of three quarters of a page long. How about a mission statement is, "to put a smile on your face, but making money is more important". Hey, I like that. Have you ever read a mission statement and need to look for a book marker? Have you ever read a company's mission statement twice ? Strongly doubt it. Have you ever read a company's mission statement in one their location, where it is being proudly displayed for all to see and then, almost in the same breath take a look at the chump behind the cash box? Starbucks - Our mission: to inspire and nurture the human spirit – one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time. I like this one. Barnes & Noble - [Here are the first three lines of their mission statement]. Our mission is to operate the best specialty retail business in America, regardless of the product we sell. Because the product we sell is books, our aspirations must be consistent with the promise and the ideals of the volumes which line our shelves. [It then goes on & on...] Avon Products - their mini-essay mission statement is over 252 words long. Ford Motor Company - We are a global family with a proud heritage passionately committed to providing personal mobility for people around the world.[Simple & direct] NWA - Workforce diversity gives us access to a world of different ideas and perspectives. Northwest Airlines is committed to maintaining a corporate culture where men and women of all ages, races, physical abilities, preferences and backgrounds are treated with dignity and respect. At Northwest Airlines we recognize that when diversity is valued and respected the results are improved service, customer satisfaction and a positive community image. We believe our employees make a world of difference and work to maintain an environment where diversity and inclusion is a critical component of our success. Our Diversity Vision To build a high performing environment where individual differences and contributions of employees, customers and business partners are respected and valued, the result of which is a business organization where fairness, trust and integrity govern relationships and the way we do business.[Self-explanatory]. Nike - To bring inspiration & innovation to every athlete in the world. Adidas - The Adidas group strives to be the global leader in the sporting goods leader in the sporting goods industry with brands built on a passion for sports and a sporting lifestyle. Campbell Soup - Together we will build the world's most extraordinary food company by nourishing people's lives everywhere every day. Satirically, let's create some bold mission statements for fictionist companies. Here are some I've made up. Enjoy. Hope it Fits Limited - to have the most aggravating return policy known to mankind. Ocean & Water - to say a lot of "GREEN" stuff and try to mean it. Brilliant Strategy (A Marketing Company) - our mission is to a volcanic catalyst and hope to be in business next quarter. Edwards Farm Equipment - our mission statement is to cultivate shit. KICT (Keep It Cheap Travel) Agency - our mission statement is to make every dream holiday appear as cheap as possible until our valued customer signs and then hit them with the barf bag tax, air tax, airport tax, fuel tax, security tax, airport tax, luggage tax, flight attendant tax, airplane food tax, air flight movie tax, commission, brochure tax, room key tax, bell boy tax, mattress tax, and the return flight costs, plus tax. Mediocre Coffee Company - our mission statement is to make an average coffee for the indifferent consumer who enjoys the stiffness of blandness.